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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23330362">Among Birds and Other Things</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/minecraftvillagernoise/pseuds/minecraftvillagernoise'>minecraftvillagernoise</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stranger Things (TV 2016)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Billy Hargrove Being an Asshole, Billy Hargrove Has a Crush on Steve Harrington, Billy Hargrove Is an Asshole, Feelings, First Kiss, Getting Together, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Maybe OOC, Misunderstandings, Steve Harrington Has a Crush on Billy Hargrove, Steve Harrington Needs a Hug, Vent but barely, like a lot probably</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 06:06:34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,869</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23330362</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/minecraftvillagernoise/pseuds/minecraftvillagernoise</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The walk out to the Camaro was probably the longest most antagonizing walk of Steve's life. Billy sat on the hood of his car, cigarette hanging from his pretty pink lips like a vice. Billy was intentionally not looking at him, which was going to make this so much more fun. Steve wanted to kill himself. </p>
<p>Or: Steve spends almost the entire time moping because Billy got a girlfriend. But Steve’s the one that got replaced, so why won’t Billy look at him?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>234</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Among Birds and Other Things</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Uh,, set after season 3 but Billy’s still alive. Not sure what my mind was doing- did this because I’m in quarantine, mostly sleep-drunk and out of my mind.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"So, Dingus," Robin says, putting a few Fritos in her mouth before leaning back against a display case, knocking a few copies of Terms Of Endearment to the ground with a clatter. Steve, although maybe not the brightest, finds himself well tuned to Robins ticks, and whenever a 'so, Dingus' falls past her lips, he knows that she's about to enlighten him with a new piece of information.</p>
<p>Robin squats down quickly, her bracelets clacking as she stacks the copies in her arms before placing them back on the display case. As if nothing happened, she continued to stuff her face with Fritos.</p>
<p>"So," she said, a bit of Frito falling onto her shirt, "Dingus."</p>
<p>"Yes?" Steve asked, more than a bit at the end of his rope.</p>
<p>"You know Tara Jennings?" She asked, and Steve leaned backwards against the counter, shaking his head. Billy talked about her sometimes- ok, Billy talked about her a lot recently. And that was fine. It was fine, ok? Even if Billy suddenly stopped talking to him. That was fine too. What he knew about Tara Jennings was limited. He knew four things: she was blonde, she had nice tits, she talked to Billy a lot, and she was definitely his type.</p>
<p>"Well, I saw her and Billy Hargrove making out in the parking lot of the fucking WAWA." She snorted, as if Steve's heart hadn't just taken a one way train to his gut. Permanently.</p>
<p>"I mean," she snorted again, "the WAWA?" She giggled for a bit, shoving more Fritos into her mouth. She shook her head then, and rolled her eyes, "and with fucking Billy Hargrove? Ew."</p>
<p>
  <em>Tara Jennings and Billy making out. Tara Jennings and Billy making out. Tara Jennings Billy and making out.</em>
</p>
<p>Steve felt like he was going to be sick.</p>
<p>"I think I'm going to be sick."</p>
<p>"Ugh," Robin groaned, "I know, right?"</p>
<p>It was no secret to Steve that Robin wasn't exactly fond of Billy, although whenever he used to walk into the family video she'd keep it civil as he talked to Steve. She complained about him all the time. Bemoaning about how every girl was head over heels for him, which saved none for her. (None, Steve!) Robin continued.</p>
<p>"Tara's so pretty too, and nice. You know how hard it is to find a girl who's pretty and nice?"</p>
<p>Steve nodded.</p>
<p>"And she's with Billy, of all people? Him? It makes no sense."</p>
<p>"No sense." Steve parroted, coming to the conclusion that if he were to try and speak using his own words, nothing good would come out. Nothing Robin would want to hear, anyways.</p>
<p>"He's always walking around like he owns the place."</p>
<p>Steve hummed.</p>
<p>"He's such a fucking asshole." She decided, and turned on her heels to walk to the trash can, finished with her Fritos. Steve watched her for a bit, trying to decide if he should go after Robin and tell her his deepest woes or stay put and do his job.</p>
<p>"Who's an asshole?"</p>
<p>Steve turned around. Staying put it is, then. Lucas looked at him expectantly, waiting for an answer to the question. Dustin was more off to the side of him, checking out the new releases. Max was standing near the back, and as they made eye contact, her gaze softened and she waved timidly. <em>Lord have mercy.</em></p>
<p>"No one." Steve lied, and he could feel his body start to buzz with something that was definitely <em>not</em> panic, right? Max didn't know anything, right? Of course not.</p>
<p>Lucas rolled his eyes and huffed loudly, before grabbing Dustin and going off to the Action Movies aisle. Max, seizing the opportunity, walked towards the counter. Steve could've almost laughed at how determined she looked, if he didn't feel like his insides were turning into cement.</p>
<p>"So." She said, tucking a hair behind her ears, elbows coming to rest upon the counter.</p>
<p>"So." Steve repeated, looking around to make sure no one was within hearing distance.</p>
<p>"Can you tell me why I haven't heard you call my brother in two weeks?" She asked, and Steve felt his skin prickle. It had actually only been one week, but it sure as hell felt like two. His mouth floundered a bit, trying to think of an answer that wouldn't make it sound like Billy's fault. It wasn't, not really. Not any more fault than it was Steve's, he presumed.</p>
<p>"I dunno," Steve dismissed, he took a deep breath, steadying himself, "he doesn't really talk to me anymore."</p>
<p>"Yeah," Max said, "you fix that by calling, idiot." She said it as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. And it was, in her defense, but the situation was much more complicated than that.</p>
<p>"I don't think he wants me to." Steve settles for next, and Max merely looked at him with an eyebrow raised. Her face softens after a moment, understanding and pity, she readies herself to say something, and Steve doesn't think he'd be able to recover, so he speaks before she can.</p>
<p>"Shouldn't you go find your boyfriend?" Steve asks, eyes wild and tone sounding outright begging. Max raises that eyebrow again, and it reminds Steve painfully of Billy. She stalls for a bit, taps her finger on the glass of the counter one- no three times. Looks at Steve, really looks at him. Mercifully, Max walked away without another word. </p>
<p>"What was that all about?"</p>
<p>Jesus- people needed to stop sneaking up on him.</p>
<p>"I don't know." Steve lied, feeling like maybe his stomach wasn't the only thing becoming cement. His biceps felt heavy, heavy like they shouldn't be there and all Steve wanted to do was rip them off.</p>
<p>"You'd tell me if something was wrong, right, Dingus?" She asked, putting a hand on Steve's shoulder. Her hand felt cold, small. Reassuring? Sure. But it wasn't hot, it wasn't rough, it wasn't Billy's hand. He'd do anything for Billy's hands on him again. Just there. Touching his thigh, a hand on Steve's lower back as Billy passed him, or came up behind him at the counter even though he shouldn't be there, poking his hand with his pinky as if it were their own little secret, a finger hooked under Steve's chin while Steve talked about nothing and Billy looked as if he were actually listening. Hell, he'd even allow Billy's hand on his crotch again, if it meant he'd feel some of that warmth.</p>
<p>"Of course, idiot." Steve said, the words choking out of his mouth. He felt so cold. He's felt a bone deep cold since Billy stopped talking to him. Stopped touching his thigh just because he could. Stopped touching Steve's back. Stopped touching his hand. Stopped bringing his hands up to Steve's face. Stopped looking at him. Steve had never really noticed how ingrained into his daily life Billy was. Not until he was gone, at least. Billy ran hot, that much was obvious. Steve liked it when Billy touched him, because Steve ran cold.</p>
<p>He shivers, despite the heating unit next to him and the abhorrent turtleneck he's wearing under his uniform. It's February, sue him. He shivers. It's a bone deep one, one he can't excuse to the weather, like his body knows it'll never be warm again. His hands shake and he can feel the goosebumps run up his arms and legs. His back feels so open, so exposed without Billy's hand there. Is he sweating?</p>
<p>"Dingus?" Robin asked, her hand coming off of his shoulder. She then used her hands to grab Steve and haul him around to face her.</p>
<p>"Shit!" She gasped, "You look white as a sheet!"</p>
<p>He sure felt like it.</p>
<p>"I think you should go home." She said, and reached forward to touch his forehead with the back of her hand. It felt smooth across his forehead, and he almost chased her hand as she peeled it off of his sweat-slicked skin. Almost. He wasn't that desperate for human contact. Not yet, at least. </p>
<p>"I'm not going home, Robin." Steve protested weakly, although his body seemed to disagree. He felt like he was vibrating. He felt like he was dying. God, he hoped he was.</p>
<p>"You're going home, Dingus." She said, and Steve knew it was final.</p>
<p>"Hey!" Robin shouted, "Kid!" </p>
<p>Dustin leaned around the corner, looking shocked and a little scared. He was probably looking at the rated R rack. Idiot. He pointed to himself and mouthed 'me?', Robin nodded and beckoned him over.</p>
<p>"What?" He asked, glancing sideways as if he'd gotten caught.</p>
<p>"Who drove you here?" She asked him, and Steve could drive himself home, thank you very much.</p>
<p>"I'm not riding in the back of Lucas's mom's minivan." Steve said, "I can drive myself." He also didn't mention that being in the same car as Max just might cause him to have a coronary.</p>
<p>"We had Max's brother, Billy drive us." Dustin said, looking a bit less scared.</p>
<p>Yeah, Steve was definitely driving himself home.</p>
<p>"I'm not getting into a car with Billy Hargrove." Steve said, sounding borderline frantic, causing both Robin and Dustin to look at him like he was crazy. Maybe he was. Steve didn't know anymore.</p>
<p>"I thought you two were cool." Dustin said, sounding confused. Steve couldn't blame the kid. He could feel Robins eyes on him, no doubt wondering what the fuck was going on. </p>
<p>"Ask him for a fucking ride, Dingus." She said, and shoved him forward. Fuck. Shit.</p>
<p>The walk out to the Camaro was probably the longest most antagonizing walk of Steve's life. Billy sat on the hood of his car, cigarette hanging from his pretty pink lips like a vice. Billy was intentionally not looking at him, which was going to make this so much more fun. Steve wanted to kill himself.</p>
<p>"How's it, uh, going?" Steve you idiot. You're a fucking dumbass. 'How's it going?' Are you thirty?</p>
<p>"The fuck do you want, Harrington?" Billy asked, and Steve had half a mind to tell him to 'calm the fuck down, you had your hand on my dick last week', but thought better of it.</p>
<p>"A ride." Steve said, honest, "Robin kicked me out. Said I looked sick."</p>
<p>Billy clicked his tongue, "Shes not wrong," he said, playing with his earring as the cigarette stayed in place, "You look like shit."</p>
<p>This was when Billy would take off his sunglasses and flash Steve that award winning smile of his, all teeth and tongue. The thought made Steve's heart kick into gear, it might've been stupid, but Steve wanted- needed to see Billy's tongue. Billy didn't smile, didn't take off his sunglasses. As much as Steve wanted, Billy wasn't going to gift him with just that small piece of normalcy.</p>
<p>"Way to make a guy feel special." Steve joked, just like they used to. Just like they did a week ago. Like they did when Billy would touch him, make him feel warm and needed and loved. Maybe if he kept up his end of the relationship- friendship- acquaintanceship, Billy would keep up his, right?</p>
<p>Billy was silent.</p>
<p>The silence was a new development, and Steve hated it. Billy was a lot of things. Loud, angry, impulsive, provocative. One thing Billy wasn't though, was detached. Billy wasn't happy with him, and stupidly, the truth of it made Steve want to curl up into a ball and jump into his below freezing pool. Become one with the freezing water. Already felt like it, anyways. </p>
<p>"So can I get a ride or not?" Steve asked, with a confidence that he did not have. He looked sickly pale in the reflection of the windshield of Billy's car.</p>
<p>"Isn't your car right there?" Billy asked, obviously annoyed. He took the cigarette out of his mouth only to place it back in and breathe in deeply.</p>
<p>"Yeah," Steve answered, confidence fading, "She didn't think I should drive, that's all." Steve's hands were shaking, his head pounded. Were his eyes closing? His legs felt weak, and not in the way they normally did around Billy. Like if he took one more step his legs would fall right out of their sockets and he'd fall to the ground and break his head open and bleed out in the parking lot of the fucking video store and Billy would continue to sit there and still wouldn't look at him even while Steve was <em>dying</em> and-</p>
<p>Billy inhaled again, "Can you like, stop vibrating? I'm trying to think."</p>
<p>Steve mumbled an apology, before gripping his hands together so tight he feared he'd break himself like a porcelain doll. His stomach felt empty, probably because it was empty. Hadn't eaten since Billy started ignoring him. Since the nausea had become too much. His hands felt clammy.</p>
<p>Billy was mad at him. Even Steve could tell, so that meant that Billy wasn't just mad, he was pissed. What had he done? As Steve tried to think of what was the tip of the iceberg, he realized there were too many instances to count.</p>
<p>How he'd never touch Billy back when Billy would caress his hand. How he'd always stayed silent when Billy asked him to go on a date with him, a real one, because Billy wasn't serious, because Billy just wanted to get into his pants. How he'd let Billy put his hand on his crotch and not say anything. How he'd let Billy slide his hand down the front of Steve's shirt collar and latch onto his nipple as he talked about something insignificant, dutifully ignoring Billy's wandering hand. Because to acknowledge it would have been to make it real. And to make it real would make it able to go away.</p>
<p>Sadly, his logic didn't work out in the end, and he found it gone without being real, either. Leaving him without an explanation, without closure. Without a friend.</p>
<p>"Fine," Billy's voice, sounding muffled like he was underwater, broke him out of his thoughts, "just don't throw up in my car, got it?"</p>
<p>Steve nodded sheepishly, barely hearing Billy's voice over the sounds of waves crashing to shore in his head. Billy was talking to him like he'd talked to the kids, and yeah, it hurt. Billy used to be soft around him. He used to speak soft words and brush his soft lips against Steve's forehead. Steve missed Billy. So much. He missed Billy and yet he was a mere three feet away from him.</p>
<p>Steve climbed into the passenger seat, closing the door behind him and definitely not almost tripping over his own two feet. The car smelled like smoke and something that he could only describe as Billy. Being in the car caused Steve's shaking to increase, his hands fumbled as he fastened the seatbelt. Breathe idiot, Steve thought, breathe. It's just a car.</p>
<p>It's just a car.</p>
<p>Just a car that he shouldn't be in anymore. He knew he was sitting in Tara's spot. It wasn't his anymore. Nothing to do with Billy was his anymore.</p>
<p>
  <em>“Tara probably has the best tits here in Hicksville.” Billy said, leaning against the bricks of the family video exterior, lighting a cigarette. He seemed to glance over at Steve nervously, as if to study his reaction.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Steve hummed, and tried his best imitation of a smile. He reached out his hand, and Billy lit his cigarette, too. Sure, he might’ve been trying to quit, but listening to Billy go on about Tara, the perfect girl, would be enough for anyone.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“She stole my jacket,” Billy said, glancing at Steve again secretly, “the denim one.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>‘Should’ve been me.’ Steve most certainly did not think.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Steve hummed again. Billy doesn’t talk to him for days and then he shows up as the video store is closing? To talk to Steve? It didn’t seem real. Didn’t seem right. Billy didn’t come here to talk, not after that night.</em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>So why was he here? Talking to Steve about a hot chick as if they were just friends. Just two guys smoking and talking about tits. Why was that so hard for Steve to grasp again? Oh, right, because Billy’s almost kissed him, because Billy’s hand has been inside his jeans.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Steve inhaled the cigarette.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Billy looked away.</em>
</p>
<p>So there they sat. Billy, on the hood of his beloved Camaro, Steve, in the passenger seat shivering despite the layers of clothing he wore and the sweat he could feel in his pits. His lips wobbled, and he was overcome with a very strong urge to cry. No one would see, he reasoned, no one would care. He let a single tear slip, before a shaking hand wiped it across his face.</p>
<p>Dustin burst out of the double doors of the video store, soon followed by Lucas and Max, who seemed to be having a light hearted argument about which movie they'd pick next.</p>
<p>Billy slid off the hood, and Steve unbuckled his seatbelt, hands shaking, and opened the door. He worked quickly to move the seat forward, didn't want Dustin- or Max- to see the fucking mess he was. Especially not Lucas, who'd tell them without second thought.</p>
<p>He let the kids clamber into the back, and moved the seat back. Thankfully, no one said anything. No one said anything about Steve's shaking because no one gave enough shits about him to ask. He shouldn't be taking this ride, Billy's car was cramped as it is with the three kids. He stood there, outside of the car looking in, contemplating. Lucas and Max were having an intense conversation about whether rabbits were meat eaters (they're not, are you stupid?), Dustin just looked at him.</p>
<p>"You getting in or not, Harrington?" Billy asked, before flicking the remains of his cigarette out the window. His aviators never leaving his face. His jaw clenched and he gripped the steering wheel a bit tighter.</p>
<p>"You know what? I think I'm good, f-feeling much be-tter now." He lied, and moved to slam the door before Dustin cried out.</p>
<p>"Steve get in the car, you look dead!"</p>
<p>So he was in the car.</p>
<p>Steve's teeth chattered, his back was sweating, his hands were shaking and shaking and shaking-</p>
<p>This was when Billy would turn to him, aviators balanced on the top of his nose, showing off those bright electric blues. He'd smile easily, showing off those pretty whites as his wet tongue slid over a canine. He'd say something like, "The hell's wrong with you, pretty boy?" And laugh, that deep throaty chuckle. Steve could almost feel it vibrating.</p>
<p>Billy continued driving.</p>
<p>"Holy shit! That's a big bird!" Dustin yelled, and Billy swerved to avoid hitting an admittedly large dead bird on the side of the road.</p>
<p>"Wasn't that big," Lucas said, rolling his eyes, "my grandma's got turkey vultures at her house, biggest birds I've ever seen."</p>
<p>Dustin argued back, and Max tried to get in the middle of it.</p>
<p>Steve zoned out, remembering the last time he thought about birds in Billy's Camaro.</p>
<p>
  <em>"Do I look like a bird?" Steve had asked, all pouts and puckered lips.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Billy had laughed, earring swinging, and wrapped a curious hand around Steve's middle from across the console, thumb brushing across Steve's abdomen. His other hand curled under Steve's chin, bringing Steve's lidded eyes to meet Billy's own. Billy licked his teeth then, his lips wet and pink and perfect and there. Steve wanted to kiss him so bad. His body stayed rooted in place.</em>
</p>
<p><em>"I think it's cute, Harrington." Billy had said, all teeth, hot breath ghosting over Steve's face. Steve gasped, putting on a show of pretending to be offended. He had playfully hit Billy's chest, and used all of his strength to break free from</em> <em>Billy's hold on his chin to look away. Not because he wanted to, exactly, but because he knew if he didn't look away he wouldn't be able to stop himself. And if he didn't stop himself, he'd be breaking the unspoken rule, the secret boundaries he'd set up for himself.</em></p>
<p>
  <em>"I can't believe I look like a bird." Steve had whined, and Billy had chuckled, before leaning his forehead to rest against Steve's temple. Steve had pushed back against Billy's forehead, chasing the delicious pressure of a touch so insignificant. To Steve, it meant everything. Billy meant everything.</em>
</p>
<p>"Harrington."</p>
<p>Why was his head swimming? Why couldn't he see where they were? Was he wearing shoes? Were his eyes even open?</p>
<p>"Harrington," Billy snapped, glancing over at Steve for the first time in days, "you said you wouldn't vomit all over my car. Get it together."</p>
<p>Right.</p>
<p>'Get it together, Harrington', a voice in Steve's head said, 'Billy doesn't give a shit about you, this isn't news, so stop acting like it is.' The voice was right. He knew Billy was only using him until the next hot girl came around, he knew it. He knew that it was happening, so why was he shocked? Why was he shivering? Why was he sweating so much? Oh, yeah, because the thought of being nothing but a used tissue to someone wouldn't exactly make a person jump for joy.</p>
<p>The car parked in front of Steve's driveway harshly.</p>
<p>"Get out."</p>
<p>With shaking hands, Steve unbuckled his seatbelt. Billy stared forward, hands clenched on the steering wheel, grip turning his knuckles white. Why were Steve's eyes fogging up?</p>
<p>'I'm sorry' he wanted to say.</p>
<p>"Thanks for the ride." He said.</p>
<p>There was a chorus of "bye Steve!" from the backseat. Billy didn't look at him. Steve opened the door.</p>
<p>"Bye." he said, and waved to the kids. Taking a deep breath, Steve waved at Billy, then closed the car door. Billy stayed still. Steve walked to his front door.</p>
<p>He heard Max shout something along the lines of "what the fuck, Billy?" before the car peeled down the road.</p>
<p>Steve's house was empty. It usually was, mind you. Having parents in important places ensured that. Steve's house was quiet. Steve hated the quiet.</p>
<p>Steve made his way up the stairs, peeling off his clothes as he went. First, his hideous uniform shirt. Second, his sweat soaked turtleneck. At the top of the stairs he kicked off his shoes and flung his socks at his bedroom wall. His arms were shaking, goosebumps protruding from his sickly pale skin. Why did his stomach feel like it was convulsing? Steve shucked off his pants, before jumping face first onto his bed. He should probably shower. </p>
<p>Steve stood under the hot water for what felt like hours after the last of the soap suds cascaded down his legs and down the drain. The hot water helped with the goosebumps, and Steve's skin felt smooth for the first time in a long time. His back to the water, Steve felt like Billy's hands were on him again.</p>
<p>
  <em>"You look like a wet dog, Harrington." Billy had snickered, leaning against the video store counter next to Steve. Billy wasn't allowed to be back there, per say, but it didn't stop him. His warm hand had come up to rub against the small of Steve's back. Steve had huffed, and shook his wet hair at Billy like a dog.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Robin wanted me to get her Rubik's cube from her car. Obviously I forgot it was raining, and she parked like- the furthest away from the building that anyone could park." Steve explained, and Billy had laughed in his ear. Hot, wet breath ghosted over the shell of his ear. Had his knees always felt so weak?</em>
</p>
<p><em>"I like lookin' at you all wet, Harrington." Billy had said, and reached his hand into the back pocket on Steve's thoroughly soaked jeans. He gave Steve's ass a squeeze for good measure. Steve rolled his eyes</em>.</p>
<p>
  <em>"Shut it, Hargrove." Steve bit, trying his best to hide the smile making its way across his face. His fingers twitched, and Steve fought the urge to turn to Billy and just kiss him. Right there, in the middle of the empty family video, for no one but them to see. But he couldn't. Because Billy only saw him as a warm body, something to sate him until a prettier girl came along. Because Steve was nothing special. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"You've got an ass that won't quit, Harrington." Billy said, and Steve could tell he was licking his sharp teeth with that perfectly wet pink tongue of his. Steve laughed, he might've said a quick 'shut up', but he definitely wanted to kiss him. Wanted to lick Billy's plump lips, Billy's pretty pink tongue, he wanted to lick Billy's teeth himself.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Steve stared forward.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Billy's hand gave another squeeze.</em>
</p>
<p>Steve shut off the hot water as if he were shutting the memory out of his mind. Immediately, the cold started to seep in. He felt the pinpricks of goosebumps trail up his forearm. He grabbed a towel off the rack and wrapped it around himself like a blanket, as if it would help. Walking back to his bedroom, Steve checked the clock.</p>
<p>7:03PM blinked at him in bright red, and Steve hummed. He had been in the shower longer than he'd realized. Reminiscing on what you could've done- what you should've done, takes a lot more time that Steve originally thought.</p>
<p>He should call Billy, right?</p>
<p>Max told him to, right? It's not like Steve and Billy would stop being friends as soon as Billy got a girl to make out with, right? That's irrational, right? It's not as if Steve had been replaced for a prettier, nicer, all around superior girl, right? There's no way that's what's happening, right? Yeah, no way.</p>
<p>That's definitely what was happening. Who was he kidding?</p>
<p>Steve picked up the phone off the hook, swinging the coiled cord around a few times before he finally gathered the courage to press in the number to the Mayfield-Hargrove residence. He slipped on a t shirt as he waited.</p>
<p>This wasn't a mistake, right?</p>
<p>One ring.</p>
<p>Right?</p>
<p>Two rings.</p>
<p>Shit.</p>
<p>Three rings.</p>
<p>"Hello? Um, this is the Mayfield-Hargrove residence?"</p>
<p>Steve didn't know if he was relieved or disappointed.</p>
<p>"Hey Max, it's Steve."</p>
<p>Silence, then, a deep breath. Steve waited, fingers gripping the phone cord spirals tightly around his pointer finger. Steve started to sweat.</p>
<p>Max sighed, "You're calling for Billy, right?" </p>
<p>Steve swallowed, nodded. Then, realizing he was a fucking dumbass and she couldn't see him, mumbled a 'yes' into the phone. Max clicked her tongue.</p>
<p>"He's..."</p>
<p>He's what? He's asleep? He's in the shower? He's avoiding Steve standing right next to Max? He's-</p>
<p>"He's out."</p>
<p>Billy's with Tara Jennings. Billy’s with Tara <em>fucking</em> Jennings.</p>
<p>Steve hummed into the phone, knowing it sounded shaky, trying to hide the sharp intake of breath. Billy's with Tara Jennings. Tara fucking Jennings. Tara, who's hot and blonde and nice. Tara, who's nothing like Steve.</p>
<p>"I'll uh," Max started, startling Steve out of his trance, "I'll have him call you back. When he gets home."</p>
<p>The 'if he comes home' went unspoken, but Steve could hear it on her tongue anyways.</p>
<p>"Sure," Steve said, "bye Max."</p>
<p>"Bye Steve." Max said, she sounded soft, like she pitied Steve. Steve didn't want that. Steve didn't want pity from Billy Hargroves tween sister. He wasn't a baby. He wasn't a baby. Maybe if he said it enough he'd make it true.</p>
<p>Max hung up.</p>
<p>Steve carefully placed the phone back on the cradle. He felt like screaming, he felt like crying. His bones ached and his hands had been twitching for days. This had to stop. He had to put an end to it.</p>
<p>Like he should've put an end to being Billy Hargrove's piece of flesh.</p>
<p>
  <em>"You still haven't seen Back to the Future?" Steve asked, eyes lidded, drunk on Billy's presence alone in the confined space of the Camaro.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Of course I haven't, pretty boy." Billy said, and slid his arm around Steve's neck, hand resting on his shoulder, thumb teasing the collar of his shirt. As Steve ranted about how wild the movie was, Billy's hand ventured further down under Steve's shirt. Steve only continued talking when Billy grabbed his nipple and pinched. Continued talking while Billy pressed his nose to the shell of Steve's ear, breathing out hot onto his neck. He had to continue talking, because if he stopped, it would be real, and Steve refused to be another body for Billy Hargrove.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Something stirred in the forest outside the Camaro.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Did you see that?" Steve asked, itching to start running his mouth again despite seeing nothing, and made the mistake of turning his head slightly towards Billy. Billy's fingernail scratched Steve's, at this point, numb, nipple before escaping his shirt and latching on to the side of Steve's face, holding him in place.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"I didn't see anything." Billy whispered, and he smiled, lips ghosting the corner of Steve's mouth as he spoke. They were so close, Steve could kiss him. And oh, how Steve wanted to kiss him. He wished his body would cooperate. Billy's free hand moved to grab Steve's thigh, squeezing. Billy's eyes looked dark and inviting, and Steve wished he could take the invitation and capture Billy's mouth with his own. Billy's hand moved to palm at Steve's crotch.</em>
</p>
<p><em>"Are you sure you didn't see anything?" Steve asked, suddenly nervous, suddenly realizing that whatever was happening was suddenly becoming very real. Billy's lidded eyes blinked slowly at him, and the thumb on Steve's face moved side to side soothingly across his cheek</em>.</p>
<p>
  <em>"Didn't see anything, pretty boy." Billy said, before moving his head to bite at Steve's earlobe. Steve's entire body felt like it was melting, and he shuddered. He wanted to kiss Billy with a hunger he didn't know he had. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But that wasn't what this was, was it? Yeah, Billy used Steve, that much was obvious. But there was this unspoken rule, at least to Steve, that he couldn't reciprocate. Because that would make it all too real. And if it's real, it can change. Steve never wanted this to stop.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Billy's hand moved to fully grope the space between Steve's legs as he licked a stripe under Steve's ear. Billy smirked against Steve's skin at his shuddering intake of breath. He pressed his nose, light as a feather, under Steve's jaw. The utter warmth, the heat, coming from Billy alone was enough to cause Steve's eyes to flutter closed. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Steve's hand wrapped around Billy's arm, trying to stealthily move it, "Are y-" Billy's other hand prodded a few fingers at Steve's mouth, "Are you sure you didn't see like- a bird or something?" Steve asked, breathless and hot all over. He wondered if Billy could see how red his face was, if he even cared.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"There's no bird out there, princess." Billy whispered, hand inching to the waistband of Steve's jeans. His stomach jumped excitedly as Billy's hand lifted up Steve's shirt and fingered his way into his underwear.</em>
</p>
<p><em>The boundaries, the special unspoken rule, Steve decided, was stupid. Steve let go of the hand clutched in Billy's shirt</em> <em>and moved it upwards to barely touch the rough skin of Billy's neck. He couldn't think straight. Not with Billys hot breath on his neck and not with Billy's hand there.</em></p>
<p>
  <em>He should ask, right? It's always better to ask. Because, in all honesty? Steve had no fucking clue what was going on.</em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>"B-" Maybe asking was going to be harder than he thought, "Billy." He choked out, deflating from the strain it took to say just his name, and Billy smiled into Steve's neck, hot hand making contact in Steve's pants. Steve fought to keep back an embarrassing noise.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Yeah, pretty boy?" Billy replied, a breathy laugh passing his lips and tickling Steve's neck. Billy's skin was so warm, Steve thought he was melting.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"W-What-" Steve's throat stopped working when Billy attached those pretty pink lips to the underside of Steve's ear, "What's-"</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Steve's mouth shuddered closed. Steve would keep silent if it meant Billy would never stop touching him. The questions though, the underlying hope that maybe this meant something to Billy, prodded at Steve's mind anyways.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>'What is this?', 'What are we?', 'What's your hand doing on my dick?', and most importantly, 'What's happening?'</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"What was that, princess?" Billy asked, eyes hypnotizing as they stared into Steve's own. The hand on Steve's face fell away and rested on his pec casually. The hand down Steve's pants was definitely not helping Steve organize his thoughts.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"What are you doing?"</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Billy froze.</em>
</p>
<p><em>Steve watched as Billy's pupils shrank into thin pinpricks, face turn pale, easy smile sliding off of Billy's face. Billy physically peeled himself off of Steve before sitting stock still in the drivers seat, looking out of the windshield, jaw clenched so hard Steve worried it'd break. Maybe he was trying to</em> <em>find the bird Steve lied about seeing.</em></p>
<p>
  <em>"Billy?"</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Did Steve fuck up?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Billy, hold on a second, I don't-"</em>
</p>
<p><em>"Get out." Billy said, eyes wild and looking anywhere but at Steve. Billy brought a hand to his mouth, nervously biting the skin around his fingernail. The boundaries. The unspoken rule. Acknowledgment would lead to reciprocation, so therefore just as bad</em>. <em>So therefore, Steve fucked up.</em></p>
<p>
  <em>"Get out of my fucking car, Harrington!" Billy shouted, frantic and still not looking at him, "Fucking walk home."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Steve shouldn't have questioned a good thing.</em>
</p>
<p>The phone rang again around 9:30PM, and it took Steve a great deal of courage to pick it up.</p>
<p>"Hey, it's Steve." He said, and found himself hoping against all odds that it was a telemarketer or just Max again.</p>
<p>"Max said you called." Shit.</p>
<p>"Sorry," Billy continued, not sounding sorry at all, "I was with Tara."</p>
<p>'Yeah I bet you were', Steve almost said, but thought against it, leaning back against the cool wooden headboard of his bed, fingers twisting in the sheets nervously. What the fuck does he say to that? Be cool, Harrington.</p>
<p>"She sounds..." think of a word think of a word, "fun."</p>
<p>Shit, anything but that.</p>
<p>"Any reason you called, Harrington?" Shit, what does he say to that? 'Your sister wanted me to', 'I miss you', 'Why are you ignoring me?', 'I'll let you touch my dick again if it means you'll stay'.</p>
<p>"Am I not allowed to call my dear friend?" Steve joked, palms sweating, and hoped Billy wouldn't view him as a complete idiot. Silence on the other end of the line, Steve wrung his fingers through the curled phone cord.</p>
<p>"You know," Billy said, and Steve could hear him clicking his teeth, like this conversation bored him, it probably did, "I've got to go write an essay for Mr Ganter, it's due tomorrow and I totally forgot."</p>
<p>"Oh, ok," Steve said, absolutely not sounding dejected at Billy's blatant lie, "I'll call you later then?" Steve asked, and held his breath as he waited for Billy's response.</p>
<p>The line went dead. </p>
<p>Steve slammed the phone back on the hook. Fuck Billy. Fuck Billy and fuck him for breaking Steve's pitiful heart. Mr Ganter taught geometry, too, so there's no fucking way Billy wasn't bullshitting him. Max meant well, really, she did. It's not her fault that Steve's a fuck up.</p>
<p>Steve collapsed back into his bed, falling asleep without even getting under the blankets.</p>
<p>When he woke up, he was shivering. It wasn't a new sensation, had been there for a week, since Billy wouldn't look at him. Steve tried not to think about how pathetic the entire situation was as he got dressed for work.</p>
<p>Looking out the window at his empty driveway, Steve noticed it was raining. Like, a lot. Wait- empty driveway?</p>
<p>Oh, right. His car was still at the store. Shit. He slipped on his pants as he thought about who to call. Max's voice rang in his ears. </p>
<p>'You fix that by calling, idiot.'</p>
<p>Lord have mercy.</p>
<p>Billy pulled up his driveway twenty minutes after he called. Steve stood in the doorway, arms shaking, and took a deep breath. Once he realized Billy wasn’t just going to drive away, Steve ran out to the car, using his hands to try and shield his hair from the rain. Billy was silent when he opened the door and hopped inside, not even a ‘try not to drip everywhere.’</p>
<p>Steve buckled his seatbelt, and tried to ignore how much his stomach shook and jumped. Billy put the car in gear and sped out of the neighborhood, eyes never leaving the road. Steve missed Billy’s gaze.</p>
<p>"Can I ask you something?" Steve asked as soon as they were on the main road, nervously glancing at Billy. He was wearing those shades, and Steve wished more than anything that he could see his eyes again. His stomach felt like it was bubbling, and he hoped he didn't vomit in Billy's car. Billy inhaled, and adjusted his grip on the steering wheel. </p>
<p>"No."</p>
<p>"Please?" Steve asked, trying to contain his shakes to a minimum. His neck twitched. Billy's mouth curved the slightest bit upwards at Steve's meek request, before crashing back down again. Billy took another deep breath and grabbed at his earring, before resting his clenched fist against his knee. He seemed to mull Steve's words over and over in his head, before he nodded curtly, staying silent. The car was filled with an uncomfortable silence, the only noise being the constant pattern of rain pelting the car, the wipers skidding across the glass, and the heater trying its best to pump out heat.</p>
<p>"Do you hate me?" Steve asked, worrying his lip between his teeth and wringing his hands together in his lap. Noticing himself, Steve froze in his seat.</p>
<p>Billy let out a laugh, a fake one, and continued looking out the windshield. Steve had never seen Billy look at the road for so long before, he wasn't exactly an attentive driver. How uncomfortable was he?</p>
<p>"Fuck off, Harrington."</p>
<p>"Billy-"</p>
<p>"What did I say?" Billy asked, took off his sunglasses, and really looked at Steve. His eyes had bags under them, Steve noticed, and he looked like a scared puppy.</p>
<p>"B-"</p>
<p>"What did I say?" Billy repeated, more of a statement than a question, sunglasses forgotten and eyes frantic, "Fuck. Off." He said, and turned his gaze back to the road.</p>
<p>"I just wanna know why you don't want anything to do with me!" Steve yelled, voice louder than he expected it to be. The wipers skid across the windshield loudly, the sound echoing in the silent car. </p>
<p>"Because you don't want anything to do with me." Billy said, voice lower, and Steve noticed an underlying sadness in his voice hidden under all that anger. What?</p>
<p>"What? Who the fuck said that?" Steve asked, and suddenly Billy's frantic attitude had rubbed off on him. What was going on? The hell was Billy talking about?</p>
<p>Billy chuckled hollowly, and with the aviators still clutched in his hand, Steve noticed the wetness building in the corners of Billy's eyes. What the hell was going on? He wasn't the one who was being replaced.</p>
<p>"Not another word, Harrington, or else I'm making you walk the rest of the way." Billy said, words final.</p>
<p>The rain picked up outside. Billy pushed a cassette into the car's radio with more force than necessary. Then, pointedly not looking at Steve, he reached into the glove compartment and pulled out a cigarette pack. His hands aggressively pulled one out, and Steve feared he'd break the box itself. He shakily lit it and bought it to his lips quickly, taking a deep inhale.</p>
<p>"How's-", Steve's throat constricted, "How's Tara?"</p>
<p>Billy looked over at him, eyebrow raised, pretty mouth still around the cigarette, and for a moment Steve feared Billy would pull the car over, "She's fine." He said, and Steve watched as Billy's Adam's apple bobbed, pretty pink lips pursed into a frown as he pulled the cigarette away.</p>
<p>Steve turned away, he was allowed to ask about his replacement, right? It seemed only fair.</p>
<p>Billy side eyed him, and took a hit from the cigarette. Steve turned to look at him, and as they made eye contact Billy inhaled sharply and turned his eyes back to the road. Billy pulled into the parking lot harshly, hitting the curb recklessly.</p>
<p>The car skidded to a stop in the first parking space Billy found, at the back, furthest from the store he could get.</p>
<p>"Thanks." Steve said, unbuckling his seatbelt. Billy only nodded, eyes expressionless. Steve opened the car door, immediately getting bombarded with the rain. He stood up, and leant his head back into the Camaro.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry," Steve said, rain pelting his neck, and Billy only looked at him, "for whatever I did."</p>
<p>Billy didn't say a word.</p>
<p>Steve closed the door. </p>
<p>The Camaro stayed in place as Steve walked further and further to the door of the family video. His socks were already soaked and his jacket wasn't exactly waterproof. Thunder sounded off in the distance. Each step forward produced a squelch as his soaked shoes made contact with the pavement. He made his way to the roofed area, and shook out his hair. He fiddled with the key ring as he resisted the urge to look back at Billy.</p>
<p>The Camaro revved up, and Steve fought against everything to look back at him. Steve wrapped his soaked jacket tighter around himself as he tried to find the right key. </p>
<p>The Camaro quieted, like Billy had taken the keys out of the ignition. Why would he do that? Steve turned, squinted his eyes to see through the rain, was Billy getting out of the car? Shit, Steve was about to get pounded, beat to a pulp because Billy found out about how he felt and-</p>
<p>"Harrington!" Billy shouted, only it didn't sound angry, like Steve had imagined it would be. He sounded panicked, slamming his car door shut. Billy half walked half ran to where Steve stood, and stopped a few steps away from him, hair already soaked and water running over those lips that Steve just wanted to touch-</p>
<p>"I broke things off with Tara." Billy said, "a while ago." blinking harshly against the water falling into his eyes, Billy breathed heavily. Steve set the key ring into his pocket. What did that have to do with anything?</p>
<p>"Why?" He had to ask, he had to know. Tara was perfect, she got good grades, and she was pretty, and she was nice, and had good tits, and-</p>
<p>"Because she wasn't you."</p>
<p>If Steve were doing anything other than standing still, he's sure he would've tripped. What? What does that mean? His brain felt fuzzy and his mouth felt like he'd swallowed cotton. </p>
<p>"Wh-" Steve tried to get out, but closed his eyes when he realized maybe he was actually about to fall down.</p>
<p>"I know you don't want to hear it, and I know you don't feel that way about- about me," Billy said, and even though Steve found himself barely hanging on to his consciousness, he listened to every word, "but I just can't keep doing this." He finished, shoving a hand into his wet hair.</p>
<p>"I- what?" Steve said, intelligently.</p>
<p>"You don't get it, do you?" Billy asked, hysterical, hand gripping his wet hair so tightly Steve worried he'd pull it out, "You still don't fucking get it!"</p>
<p>Steve stared at him, confused, understand what? Billy laughed, hollow, then wiped at his eyes before Steve could see anything.</p>
<p>"You-" Billy started, reaching out a hand, before bringing it back in again, "You-"</p>
<p>"You're so fucking stupid." Billy finished, a watery laugh escaping from his throat.</p>
<p>"Hey-" Steve started, defensive, but quieted when Billy leaned forward, arms wrapping tightly around Steve in a wet hug. Billy's head nuzzled Steve's neck, and Steve felt his knees give before he caught himself. Billy's warm hands traveled over the expanse of Steve's back, and Steve closed his eyes, breathing in Billy's scent and feeling the heat he missed. Steve wrapped his arms around Billy's back.</p>
<p>"Please forgive me." Billy spoke into his skin, begging, sounding outright wrecked, before turning his head away from Steve and resting it back down again, staying in his arms.</p>
<p>"For what?" Steve asked, burying a hand in the hair on Billy's neck, "Moving on?"</p>
<p>Steve laughed, Billy did not.</p>
<p>"You're such a fucking idiot." Billy said, and picked up his head from Steve's shoulder. His hands came off of Steve's back, and Steve felt himself begin to panic.</p>
<p>No no no no, come back, please, please don't leave-</p>
<p>Billy's hand came to rest on Steve's cheek, and his mind quieted. Billy's forehead pressed against Steve's own, and he closed his eyes, sighing at how much he missed this. Steve could feel the ghost of Billy's breath on his lips, and his hand tangled deeper into Billy's hair. Steve's body seemed to gravitate closer against his own will, 'kiss him', 'kiss him'. The words sounded in his head like alarms.</p>
<p>Steve's other hand pressed against Billy's back, pulling him ever so closer and he prepared himself to just kiss him, 'just kiss him and get it over with', his mind supplied, 'then you'll know.'</p>
<p>Steve opened his eyes, and looked at Billy. His eyes were shut so harshly Steve started to worry. His thumb caressed Billy's side experimentally, and Steve watched as his brows furrowed, pained, confused, his lips parting to let out a shaky breath. Steve gripped Billy's wet hair at the back of his neck.</p>
<p>Steve kissed him, a soft press of lips that he'd had been craving for what felt like decades. Eyelids fluttered closed, Billy's mouth was so soft-</p>
<p>Billy gasped, eyes opened wide, leaning away from Steve harshly.</p>
<p>"You-"</p>
<p>"I'm sorry." Steve said quickly. Billy looked at him, breathing hard, earring still swinging from the movement. His mouth moved like it was speaking, but Steve heard no words.</p>
<p>"What?"</p>
<p>Billy kissed him then, an arm snaking back around Steve's waist, hand returning to cradle Steve's cheek, so soft, so tentative that Steve could almost cry.</p>
<p>"She wasn't you, princess." Billy said, kissing Steve like he'd die if he didn't, "She wasn't you."</p>
<p>Steve groaned, and yanked Billy's head forward by his hair, deepening the kiss. He licked into Billy's mouth, licked those pristine white teeth like he'd always wanted to.</p>
<p>"Billy." Steve groaned.</p>
<p>"Steve." He whispered against Steve's lips, and set his hands at either side of Steve's waist, eyes lidded and gaze soft. His wet tongue peeled out and licked his teeth before he took his hands and shoved them into Steve's back pockets, grabbing and pulling Steve forward. Billy kissed him again, aggressive and wanting, and Steve met him with equal enthusiasm. The wind picked up, a spray of rain hitting Steve's arm.</p>
<p>"Wait," Steve said, breaking the kiss, and kissed Billy quickly so he wouldn't misunderstand, "just let me open the door real quick, ok?”</p>
<p>Billy smiled at him like prey, and it made his stomach churn excitedly. Steve turned around and reached into his pocket for the keys, and Billy moved forward, placed a hot, steady hand on his lower back.</p>
<p>They were ok.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Don’t know what this was- but please leave comments! Or something! Tell me how much it sucked and I’ll listen! Read, whatever. I hope miss rona leaves soon I can’t take this.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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